A Charlotte Fashion Show

Remember my post a while back about modesty and the short shorts??? It has been heavy on my mind. Since then, something else came up which really knocked me for a loop (what does that actually mean??) Anyway, it prompted me to have a conversation with Charlotte about modesty and behaviors becoming a young lady. In that conversation we discussed many things...all great topics that we both enjoyed sharing our thoughts on. She is a pretty bright little girl.
In that conversation Charlotte brought up clothing. She told me that when she had those shorts on, she had 2 different feelings. "It was weird, Mom. One feeling was bad. I kinda felt like I should not have those on and it was wrong, but I did not want to hurt your feelings." I felt the shame of that statement....poor girl! "The other feeling", she continued, "was good. I felt a pleasure (yes she used that word) when I had them on. I felt like I was 19 or something, and the boys treated me better." Bingo! Berean Wife hit that nail on the head in her comments on the modesty post!!! I asked Charlotte what type of clothing made her feel the most "lady like" and comfortable? She told me without hesitation, "Dresses and skirts". I asked her how she would feel if she were to wear only modest dresses and skirts for a season and see what happened. Niki's comment has rang in my ears since that post also. (Happy Birthday Niki!!) Charlotte was all for it. Problem was, she has grown so in the last few months, that all she had was the dress Linda made her. I would have to sew! Oh Heaven, help me. I went to Joanns, coupons in hand, and got a new pattern, and fabric and elastic to make 1 skirt....that was $30 WITH my coupons!!! Good grief. Well if I could make her 1 a week.....PLUS I remembered I had picked up a couple skirts for her at the Salvation Army when we were trapped in the storm last week. As we came out of Joanns, my friend and I decided to check out Burlington Coat Factory. We hit pay dirt!!!! If you need a skirt go there! (This was womens sizes XS-2X...Charlotte wore the small ladies size) They had dozens of choices....all between $7 and $13! I got Charlotte 4 skirts and paid a little over the cost of the ONE skirt I would have had to make for her. You know I took that Joanns stuff back, right? Yes I did....I am a quilter, not a seamstress.Isn't she darling? One of the biggest lessons for me in all of this is that my daughter is more on the ball than I gave her credit for. I let her know that "voice" that was telling her the shorts (and behavior) were wrong, was the Holy Spirit and that she is FREE to come to me anytime and let me know and my feelings will not be hurt. I apologized to her (and God) for not listening to that voice myself!!! I let her know we all fall short of the glory of God, but that when we turn from the wickedness we are doing (this went along with the "something" I can not mention here) He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and we are back in right standing with Him. Now we must BOTH learn to not make those choices again. It was a good conversation with a blessing, in more ways than one, for an outcome. Sweetheart was concerned that she would be unable to "play" and do the things she could do in capris or shorts.....Charlotte assured him she would be fine and could throw some capris under her skirts if she was to be doing something that required it. She roller bladed in her pink skirt yesterday.....she said she felt very lady like doing it....lady like roller blading??? Ok, Charlotte!! LOL

Modesty

Modesty is a tricky subject. It can range anywhere from Amish style to the "as-long-as-your- @$$-isn't-hanging-out-you-are-modest" mentality. There is also the "Duggar" modesty....long skirts and dresses, no sleeveless tops, though sandals and make up are ok. If it were not for Sweetheart (who thinks that is crazy), that is where I would be....and so would Charlotte. However, we are not a "dresses only" household and I do not believe that you have to be in a spiritual sense either. I would have Charlotte "dresses only" for an entirely different reason! It is a personality issue.Let me remind you all that I had never raised a girl. AND....when I was younger I was NOT modest. No, not even close. I wore halter tops and short shorts and my @$$ hung out many a time! When I first got married, Sweetheart and I fought over my wardrobe.....I liked to wear bikini tops and hip huggers and I was a tiny little thing but had a nice bust! Gosh, where did that girl go??? Anytime we would go somewhere, he would have me bend over in front of him and if he could see anything, he would ask me to tell me to change. My clothing caused many arguments. I was 18. I eventually grew up, and once I got saved and changed my friends, I began to dress more appropriately. Not dresses, or even what was considered "modest", but certainly not "R" rated. All that to say, I had no idea how to set a standard....for myself or a girl child!
I am still not dresses "only", but oh how I wish we were. Let me explain. I set a standard for Charlotte years ago. A dear friend, who is also raising an adopted child with attachment issues, once told me, "With these girls we are going to have to go so far to the left in hopes they land in the middle". That is SO true. So I set a standard for Charlotte. No tight jeans. No low cut shirts. No short dresses or skirts. No more skorts (short skirts with shorts underneath). She would wear long shorts, and appropriate shirts. The above outfit is considered well within the standard I set for her. I live by this standard too....actually my standard is capris, no shorts, but that is because I am not comfortable in shorts.....anyway, that was all good. Until last week. I took Charlotte shopping for her birthday. She only had that one pair of shorts that fit and she had lots of capris, and tops, but needed some more shorts. I found NOTHING. Somehow....someway.....it happened so fast, I have no idea how it even happened, we came home with these..... *GASP* I had convinced myself....she is just a little girl after all. ALL the girls wear them. It is no big deal....let her be "normal". Well I don't know if this is normal or not, but my daughter put those shorts on and her entire personality changed! She became very forward with the neighborhood boys....she is already too flirty, but this was a whole new level!! She acted like she was 17 instead of her normal 10 year old behavior (I know she is 13, but she is behind emotionally a few years). She started talking about Droid cell phones (who would she call? She doesn't even use the house phone!) and driving and wanting a specific car.....she decided to tune her radio to a secular station instead of the "regulated" Christian station. It was an instantaneous personality change. Some may see it as a positive....I DO NOT! I know this girl. She is NOT ready for cell phones, the Internet, and secular radio! I even caught her watching MTV....NOT allowed here. Do I believe it is the shorts? I do. Maybe it was all there before, but the clothing "makes" the man is a true statement. There is even a difference in her from wearing a dress like this one,to wearing capris. In the dress she is very lady like and appropriate. She is not inappropriate in the capris, but there is a significant difference. Let me add, that Charlotte LOVES to wear dresses, and prefers them herself....she picked one out for her birthday too, and though she will need to wear a short sleeve shirt under it, she would choose the dress over the shorts any day. So, though I still do not have a CLUE as to how to raise a girl, I do know this....those shorts are gone! Now do you see why I would choose dresses only for our house? Do you find the same with your own daughters, or even with yourself?
Thanks for listening as I sort all this out and try to learn before it is too late!!!