Life With A Little Sass

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Beauty For Ashes

New beginnings call for a new blog. If you'd like, come visit me at

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Lessons I've Learned as a Brand New Widow

In the 3 weeks since Sweetheart died, I've learned a few things......

There is a pain so intense you think it will swallow you whole. You could never prepare yourself for it, and you find that it comes in waves, though the wave can engulf you at the most inopportune times. You must always be ready.

People mean well. They really do. I am overwhelmed at the love being poured out on me and my children....99.9% of those people say the perfect thing, which is usually nothing. The other .1%.....well, like I said, they mean well, but I pray for them, because when they really suffer a deep loss, they will need me to be in that 99.9% and I will be ready for them....mostly saying nothing but letting them know I am there.

When Sweetheart died, he took my identity with him. I don't know who I am anymore. I will never be "Kim and Brenda" again. The way I do everything is changed...the way I clean, shop, cook, sleep, eat, breathe.....yes, I even breathe differently.

Touch is sweet. Not a day went by without Sweetheart touching me. My skin aches for him to hold me. It is almost a physical ache. He loved me deep....I miss that most of all.

Night time is dark....darker than I ever knew.

God is still there....I feel Him. He cries over me. He knows my unbearable sorrow. It is in my core...where He is.

My boys take their cues from me.....when I'm sad they are sad....when I'm "ok", they are ok. We all had people around us. They had friends, and I had family and friends surrounding us for the first week. Then friends and family have to return to their own lives, so it is us....the 3 of us.....to go through the motions. Which brings me to the next lesson....

I have an "auto-pilot" that I didn't know I had. I can go through all the motions...showering, dressing, grocery shopping, cleaning.....without even realizing I am doing it. Auto-pilot.

I also have "Instant Replay". It happens daily. That moment when I found my soul mate gone...instantly, suddenly, unexpectedly, taken from me. Again I breathe only half way. And the pain and sadness engulf.

My children need me. More than ever before. It seems unfair, as all I want to do is wrap myself in his hoodie, and breathe in deep from his pillow and hide there, eyes closed as I imagine myself spooned into him, as he breathes into my neck. But my children....they need a strong mother. One who gets up everyday, and takes care of them. So I do.

I am at the beginning. The very start of this unwelcome journey. Widow. Its my new identity. I hate that word......with the same passion as I loved Sweetheart. I have so much more to learn.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Fall Homemaking

In my last post, I shared how I was falling short in some areas. Homemaking has taken a BIG hit. Seems like that is always the way. When life slaps us, we tend to do only the necessities, and leave everything else to the wayside. Once I started to do some Fall decorating, I realized just how lax I had become.

Ok, maybe not THAT lax.....more like.....

As I began to pull out the decorations, I saw areas that had been neglected. Like the formal dining room. Yes....laundry on the dining room table. It is clean, but does NOT belong there. Never in the 13 years that I have lived here have I used that formal room as part of the laundry room, until the last several months.

If you look in that far back corner, you will see baskets stacked on each other...all laundry.

The desk in the eating area and the shelf above it, were in a terrible state!

Remember that hermit crab Zach won?? His home has been on that shelf for the last month! And look at the junk!

Even the little scarecrow didn't hide the mess.....toothpaste and old mail still glared back at me!

Baby steps....which is code for "the clothes are off the table, but the baskets are still in the dining room".

I did spend some time on that desk and shelf today and it looks MUCH better.

I didn't have a before pic of the desk, but it was covered in junk mail, and dust! Some other fall touches around my house.....

Hoping to make strides each day to getting things back to a system of homemaking that keeps me from falling short!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Falling Short

I am falling short, in many areas, including blog posts. 3 months is a long time! Way too much has happened to play "catch up" again, so I'll just share my thoughts.

Fall....I love fall and this year is especially nice as the spiritual atmosphere is calm. It is the first fall in 13 years that I am not on egg shells. In fact, I have relaxed to the point of "Falling Short."

I have to admit, life has been hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined, and I have not taken the punch as well as you would have thought. I am Wonder Woman, right? Not even close. Grief is such a horrible emotion. Is it an emotion? It sure feels emotional. Loss.....it is overwhelming. My daughter, deep friendships, church....the loss is far reaching. Sometimes it feels VERY unfair.

And it sucks to have to accept the reality of your situation.

But then you have to make the best of it, right? Isn't there always an alternative?

And if you trust...miracles can happen......

....like winning a hermit crab, while throwing ping pong balls, left-handed into a little fish bowl, set among many little fish bowls, all positioned to make it impossible to win.

So let's talk blessings and not losses for the rest of this post! Joe moved in and he has been such a ray of sunshine here!!!! He and Bud have really brought some life and laughter back in....see how God replaced one child lost to me with TWO brought home??

And with Joe, my grandchildren have been multiplied.....

....nah...that's the old bunch! ;) (TJ and Zach both had broken bones within 6 weeks of each other, and Emerson turned FIVE!!)

Lakota and Alijah, are amazing kids and we have loved getting to know them and love them like they are our own...which they now are!!! Double portion!!!!

And more blessings....one I am confident enough to share here.....

A new girl!!! Well a new, old girl....Kimi is the woman in Bud's life. They actually went to his senior prom together, and have rekindled their relationship. I think it is pretty serious. She is just the kind of girl to keep him on his toes. She is FUN and loud (she admits that) and is always ready to make you laugh and have a good time. You can NOT be sad around Kimi!!!! Did you know Bud's name is Kim? Yes...Kim and Kimi. This next pic actually shows her personality better.....

We LOVE her, and she makes my son SO SO SO happy!!!

She has a son, Dylan, who is 6, and so my Grandma cup runneth over!!!!!

It is wonderful to see God restore that which was stolen. Now I need to do MY part....more on that next time. For now I need to get back to my quilt.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Catching Up...Again

I am just not a great blogger any more.To be honest, life has pretty much sucked the last couple of years, and I have put myself in a hole. I am slowly climbing out and plan to live life again. Many changes in our household. The grandkids are growing so fast I can hardly keep up! TJ is going into 3rd grade and his baseball team won the World Series of his league this summer. He is an awesome kid who is completely in love with his father! Emerson is a doll!! I love having a granddaughter! She just last week started cheerleading classes and even though she was concerned because she "can't spell", she had a blast and I know she is going to be spelling out G-O T-E-A-M very soon.

My oldest, Bud, is back home. He is working toward moving closer to his children. I think it is a good choice. He plays softball on a couple of different teams and his friend Joe (in the pic on the far right) has become an honorary son to us. Zach made the honor roll and received a trophy for Best Sportsmanship. He started Mixed Martial Arts classes and is loving ever second of it! He broke a board on his first try!! Kyle is having a great summer, and both boys are happy that their big brother is around more. Charlotte had a rough couple of years, and after a hospitalization, she is now living with an extended family member in the next county. She has some severe trauma to overcome and after 13 years of giving her every ounce of what I had to give, I have been told by professionals, it could never be enough. She needs residential treatment. Please pray she is able to get it. I talk to her a few times a week, and we are all trying to heal and create an alternative to what we thought life would be.

Sweetheart and I celebrated 34 years of marriage at the beginning of this month. It has been a very rough couple of years for our entire family, and we are hoping, and praying that the future holds some peace and happiness in it for us. I believe it does. :)

On the quilting front, I finished the 3rd baby quilt. It is bright and cheerful, and baby Mason will have years of warmth from it.

At my church we select Secret Sisters once a year. Throughout the year we buy little gifts and send cards on special occasions. The big reveal is early November and I decided to make a quilt for the lady I have this year. This is the top.....all scrap and measures approx. 62x74

It is in the hoop now and I am loving quilting on it! A fun one for sure!

Baby quilt number 4 is being pieced and has this little lady in it......

It should be a fun quilt to make also, and baby Harmonie and her mommy can cuddle in it together this coming winter.

The girls are both well. Cammy still thinks she is a kitten and Sass gets more lovable every day.

Life has started to calm here in the last 2 months, so I am just going to breath and trust God that His plan is still in motion. I am hoping to get back here more often. Thanks for stopping in!!!