My Wilderness

I am not sure if any one of you have went through this....I pray not....and I won't bear my entire soul here for the world to judge. That job is reserved for God, Himself. Spiritually, over the last 10 years, I have lost myself. Lost my way. It was slow....not something I even noticed at first. Life for me had just changed. I moved from a town I loved, full of close friends, a wonderful church and church family, a quilting guild, and a quiet, peaceful, much loved life.

I moved back to my home town after 20 years. Many blessing are here also. I moved into a beautiful home (Sweetheart's dream home), I was close to my parents and extended family, and because of the move, Charlotte and Zach joined our family. HUGE blessings to be sure. However, I lost so much. I have yet to find a church to call home. I do not have any close friends...there are many "friends" who I care about and who care about me, but not "kindred" friends. After 10 years I have just recently met other hand quilters. I see them once a month, which is something to look forward to. I am a 50 year old mother of young children and grandmother of children not that far off from my own kids age. Not quite the norm in my neck of the woods. Most kids Charlotte and Zach's age have mothers who are in their 30's. Raising children with special needs is not new to me. Kyle had over 100 seizures a day for 12 years. That was all during that life I described as quiet and peaceful....my faith was GIANT during that time. It did not seem difficult. Raising Charlotte and Zach has felt like an enormously stressful task. They are hard. Life became a warfare for a while and still that warfare raises it's ugly head a couple of times a year. I am ashamed to admit, I do not feel the peace, and quiet in my spirit, It is not a much loved life. I lost my way. So I started to search. While wandering in the wilderness, I got turned around and started to follow others. It was easy....and wrong.
Very recently, Paul's words spoke to me:
" I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:
Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.
But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.
As we said before, so say I now again, if any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed."
Galatians 1:6-9

Though I was not moving away from my Christian faith, I was heading down a path different than what I was called to. I was called to a life crucified with Christ.
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain."
Galatians 2:20-21
I don't want to make vain, Christ's sacrifice.
I do know I don't want to continue walking the walk I have been. It is a heavy one. I may never find a church as wonderful as the one I had...I may never have the same kinds of friendships I had in McHenry...and I may never find a fun quilting guild. None of that compares to never having that intimacy with my Saviour that I unknowingly let fade. Those early mornings where I sought His heart and felt Him touch mine. Daily I soaked in His Word and could feel His smile. He took pleasure in me and I in Him. We were friends. There was joy. An indescribable joy, even as my son seized uncontrollably, I had peace and joy. I want that back....no matter what is roaring around me, I can have that peace that passes all understanding. Where do I begin? With repentance, that's where. And so I am.

A Day With My Mom

One of the biggest blessings in my life is my mother. I spend every Thursday with her....just the two of us. This week we went on our day out a day early. Mom had an appointment bright and early to get an injection in her hand. That is gonna hurt!!! My mother is ALWAYS there for me when I need her. She goes to appointments with me where I endure a horrifically painful procedure every 3-4 months and holds my hand and tells me things like, "You're doing great. Just breath, Honey. It's almost over." I keep her as my focus and do exactly what she tells me. I adore her for it!! I HAD to go with her this morning and do the same for her. An ultrasound showed exactly where the injection needed to be.
Now before I tell you what happens next, I want to remind you of what a sweet lady my mother "looks" like. Sweet, huh? Well let me tell you....she turned into a total WITCH when that needle went in. I did all the right things. I told her "You're doing great, Mom. Breath deep.....let it out. It's almost done....you are doing so good!" She turned on me like a spinning top! "OH SHUT UP", is what she said to me!!! Along with some words that can not be blogged. I know it hurt....I KNOW it did. I felt so bad for her....not bad enough to keep me from getting even though......Her ordeal over, we were on our way.
I carried mom's wallet in my purse ALL day....why???? Here is the purse she came with today....Purple and black snake skin "plether". I told her it HAD to go. It looked like a street walkers purse!!!! LOL She finally agreed to get rid of it. We stopped at McD's for breakfast....we were too hungry to care!Next stop....Hilander, to do ALL the Thanksgiving shopping, plus the weeks worth of groceries for my house and close to same for her house.

Of course everybody and their brother was at the Hilander today! Once we got our bird and all the fixings, we headed home to unload.
Oh...and remember I told you Mom decided to get rid of that hideous purse????
OH YES SHE DID!!!! She gave it to my daughter who loves all things gawdy! How can I ever repay her?????MmmmHmmmmm.

We grabbed Kyle, who had a doctors appointment at 2, took all mom's groceries to her house and unloaded and then went to lunch. Kyle chose Pizza Hut. UGH! When we walked in this is what we saw....That's right. Not a soul. At 12:30. No one. It smell like old pee in there....seriously. Still we stayed and ate and not one person came or went the entire time we were there. Kyle was happy though.Kyle's doctor's appointment brought more appointments with specialists....his platelet count is mildly low, probably from medications, but they want him to see a hematologist...prayers are appreciated.

Finally we made it home at 4:00. Whew! What a day...but for me it was just starting. I had pies to bake, fruit salad to cut up, spinach dip to mix, and celery and onions to saute. I am cooking for 25-30 people tomorrow and still have much to do.

Tomorrow is another special day....not only is it Thanksgiving and my Aunt Robin's birthday, but it is SASSY'S 1st birthday!!!!!!

Yep, our baby is 1. She has been such a blessing to our family, I can hardly let Thanksgiving go by without sharing how thankful I am for her!

Thank you for sharing my day with my Mom...I love her more than I can express.

Praying you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.

The Sewing Room Saga Continues

My sewing room/area/studio has been the most moved around room in the history of rooms. I have been set up in one shape or form in almost every room in this house....I have had a sewing room in all 4 bedrooms at one time or another...3 different times I was in the basement....and recently I set up a small table in the little formal living room. I was getting ready to tear it all down when Sweetheart and I began to talk. A couple years ago, he finished off a room in the basement, known as "The Man Room". It's purpose was to be a "family room" or a place to just relax. The computer was to be a part of this room also, and has been. Once we moved Kyle upstairs, I moved my sewing room down to the man room. It makes a beautiful quilter's studio, but the lighting is horrid and I am far removed from the rest of the house....a double-edged sword. Anyway, in our "talk", Sweetheart and I decided to give the man room back it's original purpose. In return, I would move my table upstairs to the living room. It was hardly noticeable when I was in the corner on a card table...an 8 foot sewing table wouldn't be that much more noticeable, right??Wrong! It doesn't look "awful"...well ok, it does look awful. This side isn't too bad....The little hutch holds all my quilting books and the cabinets hold fabrics. Under the 8 ft table, I have all my "supplies" hidden by the curtain.

The Man Room looks wonderful. My grandma's hutch stayed along with my design wall.The large entertainment center and bigger television found it's way back into the man room also...pink lamps, a floral couch and a pink rocker (out of sight in the photos) make for a lovely "Man" room! heehee

This was all left for about 24 hours before I just could not take it anymore. The long table jutting out past the wall, and the feeling of being displaced and transient was overwhelming. ALL my sewing stuff was open to whomever wanted to "play" with it.
I sat with Sweetheart and shared my feelings...we came up with a solution. One I never dreamed he would go for.....I took over the formal dining room. For the first time in 10 years, I have a "room" I do not have to share with ANYONE. It is just my own place....it has doors that close off to the entire world, or that open up to the entire house. It was perfect. With the decision came a LOAD of work....It meant moving heavy formal dining room furniture (a perfect time to clean out the china cabinet), and my grandma's hutch HAD to come upstairs! My grown son's were a great help! The new dining room is much larger (we have had this room as a dining room before) and we look forward to more Sunday family dinners in here. So, now the unveiling of the new quilting studio.....That pocket door in the above picture leads to the back hallway, laundry room, and into the kitchen. The large entryway doors are double wooden doors that close completely.
This next picture is terrible, of course, because of the bright light coming through the windows, but between the 2 windows is the hutch from the living room....still holding my quilting books, homemaking books, and Homestead Blessings DVD collection (a true treasure).
Whew! What a job....2 days of heavy work....the entire family chipped in and helped!
I am praying this is a final "home" for me. I have had large rooms, small rooms, a corner of a room, a corner of a table....I just want to stay put for a while now! The only other area I could possibly move to is the kitchen.....that breakfast bar IS the perfect height for a cutting table!!
Heaven Forbid!!!
Now it is time for a rest....????Only for Sassy! I have Thanksgiving to get ready for. 20+ guests for dinner and an entire house to clean....off I go.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving....remember to thank Him who has blessed you!
"O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever."
1 Chronicles 16:34

An Update Post

Just a quick update post to share what is going on here at Life With A Little Sass.

HOMEMAKING:
Lots of baking....cookies, banana breads, Italian bread...lots of carbs. Here's something I do with my homemade banana bread....sprinkle some brown sugar (I use a lot) on top of the batter just before baking. It makes an incredible crust on the top. You can add chopped nuts too, but we just like the sugar. I have maintained the kitchen take over. I have to say, I am happy to be back in my place. Once in a while Charlotte can do a clean up for me, but on a daily basis, I will be handling it. Zach has taken over his own laundry. He is doing a wonderful job. Charlotte has been doing her own for some time. I never did that with my older boys...I am wiser ;)
HOME SCHOOL:We are learning The Shema....a Jewish tradition for children. The kids and I are memorizing the above verses (actually we are memorizing more...Deut 6:4-9)....OH! I forgot to tell you...we have a new student!Kyle has joined us. I took him out of Center of Hope. For us, it was really becoming like a bad daycare/nursing home situation and I fought with myself for months. I even cut him back to part time hoping that would make things better. Finally, Sweetheart and I decided to pull him out. He has joined us for math, and I am doing life skills with him. He raked the yard (for cash) and is learning The Shema with us. We are going to begin a new style of Bible learning here....I need to liven it up for them. The Word of God is ALIVE....it is exciting. I want to share that excitement with my little ones. Supplies are on today's shopping list, so we will begin tomorrow!

QUILTING:Triangles. Need I say more? Zillions of them....I am using triangle paper so there is a process...pin, sew, cut, rip, press, clip...only then can I put them into units. I am enjoying it. Very soon this project will need to be put aside for some Christmas quilting. The Hidden Star is done and packed away til Christmas morning, and the sailboats have ONE more block to be quilted and then on to the borders. It is stunning, if I do say so myself.

SASSAFRAS:My quilting partner is still on the job. She is my shadow most days. How did I get along with out her?? She is a joy. She totally approves of the new project!

THE LITTLES:They are doing well. Charlotte has calmed and is doing MUCH better. Isn't she beautiful? Your prayers carried us through a difficult month. I can now enjoy her and the fall season. Zach is still toothless. Not a sign of adult teeth (though xrays show they are there). He shocks us everyday with words we have no idea he knew. "combustible materials", "catastrophic", diplomatic"....the kid is something.

FAMILY:With Thanksgiving coming, I am excited to have my family all together! I will fix Thanksgiving dinner for all of us and we will have a wonderful time making memories. This Thanksgiving will have some specialness to it. Next year we will not all be here. Life changes and you just never know. For now, I am anxious for that day next week when we will all gather to give thanks to the Holy One who sits on the Throne. He is in control...I am thankful for that!!!!

Kitchen Take Over

Yesterday, Veteran's Day, we took the day off from traditional homeschool and spent some time watching WWII documentaries. Zach had Germany and America all set up....the fallen soldiers are the "casualties of war". It was too real to be entertaining. My heart swells at the gratitude of all the soldiers, past and present, and their sacrifice made for us....and the sacrifice of their families here at home.

Well, while the children watched as America took over bridges in France, I decided to take back my kitchen. Homemaking has always been such a huge part of my life. Those who know me will tell you it is something I have to work at. It is not natural for me....my house would be messy all the time if I did not put a conscience effort into it. Well recently, I have not put a whole lot of effort into the kitchen. After dinner every night, Charlotte has taken on the role of clean up. She is 13. She is a "messy" herself. She does not have the same standard of clean.....should I go on? Needless to say, my kitchen counters were swiped (sometimes), not cleaned. Nothing gets moved. The stove is not shiny, NOR ARE THE SINKS...and you know how I feel about a shiny sink! All my own fault. It is MY kitchen. Now, I do believe Charlotte should be trained in these areas, and she is. If I stood over her, she would have all those things gleaming. I don't want to stand over her. Just being honest. My kitchen got a thorough cleaning yesterday and by bedtime it was gleaming once again! Look close in the window over that shiny, glistening sink....there sits Sassy from her perch. I had opened the window and instantly she was in it....hot flash, ya know.
The stove top is just as shiny!!!No crumbs left on the counters. AND the towels for the next day are laid out once again...all nice and neat. The dish cloth is the new one Charlotte made me for my birthday. A new bar of our homemade soap is in the dish....the kids LOVE it. TJ wanted to take one home...and he did.
"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;" Colossians 3:23

Before all the kitchen clean up, I did get a couple of loaves of bread made. These loaves are loaded with Italian seasonings and Parmesan cheese. Mmmmm. All sliced and ready to eat.
I still need to learn my camera. I think I should have used the flash when taking these pics...I will practice and hopefully get a better quality photo for you all.

Hope your weekend is a blessed one!!!