Modesty

Modesty is a tricky subject. It can range anywhere from Amish style to the "as-long-as-your- @$$-isn't-hanging-out-you-are-modest" mentality. There is also the "Duggar" modesty....long skirts and dresses, no sleeveless tops, though sandals and make up are ok. If it were not for Sweetheart (who thinks that is crazy), that is where I would be....and so would Charlotte. However, we are not a "dresses only" household and I do not believe that you have to be in a spiritual sense either. I would have Charlotte "dresses only" for an entirely different reason! It is a personality issue.Let me remind you all that I had never raised a girl. AND....when I was younger I was NOT modest. No, not even close. I wore halter tops and short shorts and my @$$ hung out many a time! When I first got married, Sweetheart and I fought over my wardrobe.....I liked to wear bikini tops and hip huggers and I was a tiny little thing but had a nice bust! Gosh, where did that girl go??? Anytime we would go somewhere, he would have me bend over in front of him and if he could see anything, he would ask me to tell me to change. My clothing caused many arguments. I was 18. I eventually grew up, and once I got saved and changed my friends, I began to dress more appropriately. Not dresses, or even what was considered "modest", but certainly not "R" rated. All that to say, I had no idea how to set a standard....for myself or a girl child!
I am still not dresses "only", but oh how I wish we were. Let me explain. I set a standard for Charlotte years ago. A dear friend, who is also raising an adopted child with attachment issues, once told me, "With these girls we are going to have to go so far to the left in hopes they land in the middle". That is SO true. So I set a standard for Charlotte. No tight jeans. No low cut shirts. No short dresses or skirts. No more skorts (short skirts with shorts underneath). She would wear long shorts, and appropriate shirts. The above outfit is considered well within the standard I set for her. I live by this standard too....actually my standard is capris, no shorts, but that is because I am not comfortable in shorts.....anyway, that was all good. Until last week. I took Charlotte shopping for her birthday. She only had that one pair of shorts that fit and she had lots of capris, and tops, but needed some more shorts. I found NOTHING. Somehow....someway.....it happened so fast, I have no idea how it even happened, we came home with these..... *GASP* I had convinced myself....she is just a little girl after all. ALL the girls wear them. It is no big deal....let her be "normal". Well I don't know if this is normal or not, but my daughter put those shorts on and her entire personality changed! She became very forward with the neighborhood boys....she is already too flirty, but this was a whole new level!! She acted like she was 17 instead of her normal 10 year old behavior (I know she is 13, but she is behind emotionally a few years). She started talking about Droid cell phones (who would she call? She doesn't even use the house phone!) and driving and wanting a specific car.....she decided to tune her radio to a secular station instead of the "regulated" Christian station. It was an instantaneous personality change. Some may see it as a positive....I DO NOT! I know this girl. She is NOT ready for cell phones, the Internet, and secular radio! I even caught her watching MTV....NOT allowed here. Do I believe it is the shorts? I do. Maybe it was all there before, but the clothing "makes" the man is a true statement. There is even a difference in her from wearing a dress like this one,to wearing capris. In the dress she is very lady like and appropriate. She is not inappropriate in the capris, but there is a significant difference. Let me add, that Charlotte LOVES to wear dresses, and prefers them herself....she picked one out for her birthday too, and though she will need to wear a short sleeve shirt under it, she would choose the dress over the shorts any day. So, though I still do not have a CLUE as to how to raise a girl, I do know this....those shorts are gone! Now do you see why I would choose dresses only for our house? Do you find the same with your own daughters, or even with yourself?
Thanks for listening as I sort all this out and try to learn before it is too late!!!